Internet Win of the Week: Suri’s Burn Book

I was looking around the IFB site earlier this week and came across a recommendation to check out Suri’s Burn Book. Proof that there is a Tumblr out there for everything, Suri’s Burn Book is supposedly (read: not really at all) written by Suri Cruise, pampered Hollywood offspring. The Burn Book aspect is a reference to a concept first popularised in Mean Girls whereby a book is created by girls to record their bitchy comments about other girls they hate.

Suri’s Burn Book takes as its subject other celebrity children, from her love for Kingston Rossdale, her jealousy of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and her fear of Beyonce’s as yet unborn child. Whoever writes this site is a comedic genius. The narrative voice is flawless and utterly hilarious.

On Ben Affleck’s child: “Yes, Seraphina’s quite the charmer — imagine how much more adorable she’d be if she would just wear designer clothes.”

On the Twilight franchise: “I myself cannot wait for this hackneyed, sexist franchise to be culturally forgotten, so we can get back to empowered female characters, like Katniss Everdeen and Peggy Olson.”

On the aforementioned Shiloh Jolie-Pitt: “Here’s a photo of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt cuddling a gremlin. This entry practically writes itself.”

On Sandra Bullock’s child: “Sandra Bullock’s agents recently purchased an original Andy Warhol print for $14,000 as a gift for Louis, her serious baby. I’m not a big Warhol fan myself (too many colors), but it’s a good introductory piece for a small child.”

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